# bicycles

london bike kitchen^[1], who i hope (and presume) are still doing a fantastic job, had a slogan that was put on a cap, a patch, and a t-shirt.

fix shit or cry trying

i agree with the give-it-a-go, what’s-the-worst-that-can-happen sentiment, along with the principle of trying to make stuff last / getting your money’s worth. on top of that, i will gladly nod along to anyone saying that being able to fix shit is a form of independence. and, more simply: i adore fixing shit. it is tremendously satisfying.

# but

there are some barriers to that tend to get in the way of fixing shit.

• ambition >> skill
• perfectionism
• more of a theory kinda dude^[2]

these buts sometimes lead to crying and not trying to fix shit. which should not be put on a cap, a patch, and a t-shirt^[3].

granted, i derived an income from fixing shit (bikes^[4], mostly) on and off for a few years in the tens.

# but⁣

aside from lobbing in a new inner tube, or maybe replacing a frayed gear cable on a pre-2004^[5] sti^[6] shifter, i often didn’t feel like wholly confident in my work^[7]. and in the low confidence cauldron between my ears, doubt and fear and anxiety simmer. and that sort of takes the buzz out of fixing shit. i am yet to find an antidote.

# strengths

there are things i am confident in

# but

these aren’t particularly useful strenghts. for example: (a) my ability to unhelpfully construct these barriers (and variations thereof) whenever, wherever^[8]; (b) ignoring / dismissing evidence that demonstrates any sort of aptitude.

# scruffy

many of my clothes have been in rotation for a substantial chunk of time. i like to get my money’s worth^[9]. some are eminently repairable: a hole in that pocket, that elbow, that seat. someone with the right tools and the necessary know-how would have my wardrobe fixed up and stitched up in no time.
jump here for some thoughts that i didn't know where else to put

# but

i have neither the tools (excepting a few needles and some thread) nor the know-how. with a debit card and some time, these are both surmountable^[10].

# but

no, my trousers are still a bit draughty. despite wanting to give-it-a-go. invariably, i don’t.^[11] why?

i don’t mind if any repair looks terrible^[12]. so it’s not that.

it’s wanting to avoid getting frustrated at not being able to do something. it's the fear of failure^[13]. it’s letting perfect be the enemy of good^[14].

# low power

despite being 12 years old, my laptop is still doing remarkably well. its longevity has almost certainly been helped by the fact that (a) for the three years of my undergraduate degree i used the university computers; (b) ditto during my master’s; (c) ditto during my phd. it has been lightly used. and i have looked after i as best i can. one thing that it would benefit from, however, is a new battery.

as mentioned up top: being able to fix things is a form of independence. this is embodied in the right to repair, and helpfully there are (e.g.) organizations out there that endeavour to enable this.

i bought a new battery ~10 months ago. and the right sized screwdriver and pokey-tool thing. the step-by-step guide describes the task as easy and claims it’s a 5-10 minute job.

# but

i haven’t attempted it yet. for fear of mucking it up. it’d be really annoying to bust a thing – that currently works – while trying to extend its longevity.

# seal

the bath needed resealing. i don’t like doing it. i avoided doing it for ages.

# but

i did it.

# but

it’s messy and uneven and looks dreadful – minimum satisfaction^[15].

i’m reminded of it every time i go in there – maximum moderate annoyance^[16].

# raspberry

or arduino? i don’t know.

i’ve been intending to pick up a kit and a book and make a little widget that (a) records temperature / humidity / air quality / whatever and displays it on a little seven-segment display. with bigger^[17] ambitions of a diy gnss^[18] bike computer (like this).

# but

i haven’t. usual reasons apply.

this doesn’t fall under the fixing shit umbrella. it sits in the creativity bucket. fixing shit is just making shit work again. so they are^[19] basically the same.

# what this was originally supposed to be about

this was supposed to be an uplifting insight into the joys of fixing shit. and making stuff last. and admiring those who are highly skilled. instead of the naval gazing i’m-too-troubled-by-my-personality-and-there’s-nothing-i-can-do-about-it nonsense.

sorry. anyway.

# surgery on a sleeping bag

i am lucky enough to know someone who is a plumber and a tailor^[20], who also happens to own a tumble dryer. wanting to keep that decade-and-a-bit-old yet-to-be-washed down sleeping bag fresh, it was washed with the magic liquid that you’re supposed to wash it with. and then, prior to tumbling, i noticed a tear on the inside of the foot-box.

i don’t remember trying to fix it, however, a poor attempt had been made some time ago. it had helped, however, now the fix needed fixing in addition to the original thing that needed fixing. as luck would have it, i was in the company of someone with the requisite know-how and dexterity. a needle holder^[21] (look a bit like scissors. but for gripping instead of cutting. and they can lock shut) was brought out, and i got to witness someone with skill at work. i did learn some stitch and knot jargon, but didn’t write it down soon enough. all i can remember is that there was an aberdeen knot. and ways of periodically locking the stitch such that if it can’t come undone beyond that point. like a little fire break.

# coding

synthesise the above, and you might get an understanding of the appeal of coding. or not, but anyway. here i’m straying from the fixing and more toward the making. but that’s okay.

making a mistake whilst when needlessly fussing over subplot spacing is fine. you change the value. run it again (many. many times). and then it’s done. and there is no evidence of you having mucked it up. it’s very forgiving. and mistakes don’t tend to cost you anything^[22]. and because you (ed. still) don’t know how to properly use git, there is no evidence of you having mucked it up in the first place.

i think this contributed to how much i enjoyed my recent coding/mapping exploits. if these had been hand-drawn things. nah.

# some ways in which perfectionism crept into writing this

• it took me ages and i’m not very happy with it
• i got frustrated at not being able to make whatever point it is i’m trying to make concisely
  • and became jealous of those who, i imagined, could make that point in a funny little two-panel cartoon
• see above.
  • i just got frustrated – again, a few days later – when writing another bit.

# but

at least i wrote it. and who gives a shit if it’s not very good?^[23]

i didn’t cry.^[24]

# and

maybe i use this to construct some sort of accountability. turn the above into a to-do list. maybe.

end

# post script on expertise and finance

i imagine most bike shop mechanics have encountered the following (simplified) scenario (or its variations) multiple times. perhaps even regularly.

customer wheels in bike with a puncture.

you offer to do it on the spot.

you fix it. quickly and efficiently.

wheel out.

tyre off.

thorn / shard of glass removed

new tube in.

wheel on.

done^[25].

you charge a couple of quid for the tube. and several more for the labour.

customer: that’s expensive. it only took you xyz minutes.

yes. it only took xyz minutes. but it took several years to get the expertise to be able to do it in xyz minutes. that’s what you’re paying for.

when a tailor says they can fix patch that hole by tomorrow. or when that guy at the computer shop removes the hard drive from your old laptop that you’d been meaning to do for more than 7 years, does it in less than 5 minutes. or… you get the gist. i tend to (arrogantly) assume that it is easy, and therefore something i should be able to do. this is the foundation of the mismatch between ambition and skill.

an additional spanner in the works^[26] is cost. sometimes there is a financial incentive to fix something yourself. that is understandable.

# but

there is a cost incurred in acquiring the tools / materials that you need to do it yourself. and you might still muck it up. so you delay fixing it to avoid that. so. you reason that rather than spending xyz on tools / materials and the opportunity to make things worse, you should let a professional handle it for a * xyz. but that’s expensive. when you could just do it yourself.

loop. stasis. bugger.

# footnotes